So you’ve committed flatcest and you don’t know what to do about it now. You have to live with
them knowing they know you like to listen to opera while doing the deed, or maybe they caught
feelings when you were looking for something more casual. You’re in a bit of a pickle but that
doesn’t necessarily mean the rest of your time in that flat has to be awkward now.
Step 1: Don’t sleep with your flatmates
If you’re reading this article that might mean it’s too late in which case skip to step 2, but if you’re
just thinking about it, know that it is more hassle than it’s worth. I know it seems great having
someone just a few steps away, no walks of shame or spenny Ubers, but the cons far outweigh the
pros. If you don’t communicate your needs effectively before going into this you could be left
feeling too awkward to go into your own kitchen or with a flatmate who’s obsessed with you. It’s not
just the two of you involved either, everyone else you live with will be impacted too, and no, you
can’t keep it a secret. So ask yourself, no matter how hot they are, is it really worth it?
Step 2: Communicate your needs
If you decide it really is worth it, make sure you and your flatmate are on the same page before
going into anything. Are you looking for a one-time thing? friends with benefits? a long-term
relationship? They will only know what you want if you tell them, and if they don’t want the same
thing as you then move on. If you’ve already gone through with it before having this talk and things
are still weird, I’m sorry to say but you’re going to have to have that talk now. I know it’s awkward
but telling them how you feel will give you the chance to decide where you want to go from here,
and potentially give you both the chance to move on.
Step 3: Keep your other flatmates out of it
Don’t hide what you’re doing from your flatmates but don’t be too affectionate in front of them
either. This will drag them into the relationship even if they want nothing to do with it. You should
also try to find someone outside of your flat to talk to about your relationship problems (or the weird
things they do in bed) because they still have to live with both of you too.
Step 4: Don’t live together next year
No matter how great your relationship might seem, anything could happen in the next year, and
you don’t want to be left in a situation where you feel like you have to stay together because you’ve
already signed another lease. Even if you do end up staying together, living with your partner while
at uni can leave you stuck in a rut where you spend all your time with the same person and
struggle to make friends outside of your relationship. If you do decide you just have to live together
next year, at least make sure you each have your own room.
Step 5: Don’t avoid each other
Your relationship might last longer than your lease, but if it doesn’t, you still have to live together. It
might be really hard seeing them every day, especially if you have a messy breakup, but with time
things will become easier. The worst thing you can do is spend all day in your room, planing your
life around avoiding them. Yes, things will be awkward, but this awkwardness will only start to go
away once you get used to seeing them again. You don’t have to be besties but a quick hello when
you see each other is so much better than unspoken resentment and embarrassment.
Most people know the risks when they enter into any kind of relationship with their flatmates, but people
keep doing it anyway. For most people, going to university is their first time living with
anybody they aren’t related to, and feelings can quickly arise. Flatcest may not be the best idea
but it’s only natural and nothing to be embarrassed about. So if you must sleep with your flatmate,
make sure to be smart to avoid hurt feelings.
See also: Hilarious tweets about UCAS we can’t stop laughing at