I remember moving into my flat in first year very excited to be sharing it with four other girls that I thought would be my friends for life. We all messaged each other on our Snapchat group chat before moving in, planning all the fun things we would do together. We’d have a Taco Tuesday and hold movie nights. It sounded so fun! In reality, as soon as we moved in, everyone kept themselves to themselves and didn’t really spend much time outside of their rooms. This was devastating as the ideal Uni life of living away from home and making close friends with those I lived with no longer seemed possible.
It’s very important to remember that your flatmates don’t have to be your ‘besties for life.’ However, if none of you talk to each other then your year can become quite painful. Things did manage to improve among my flatmates over the course of the year (well, with most of them) after we took small steps to make that extra bit of effort with each other. We really didn’t have much in common but we tried to make things work. If you are in a similar situation to me, these tips may help.
Make A Group Chat
If you find making conversation in person difficult, you may wish to create a group chat. In this you can inform each other of any guests that are coming round, times when you are going home to visit family and keep up to date with the household chores. This makes sure that everything runs smoothly and allows everyone to play their part. We mainly used our group chat to designate kitchen tasks to each other (especially on inspection days) so that one person wasn’t hoovering when someone else had already done it.
Try To Dedicate A Day For A Group Activity
Admittedly not everyone wanted to get involved or even try to bond with the group, but those who did really benefitted from group activity days. Everyone has busy schedules and different timetables, so find a time that everybody can make and perhaps have a themed dinner night or fancy dress party.
At Halloween, a few of us got together to pumpkin carve in the kitchen which was a nice little ice breaker. Also, if you are focused on doing a particular activity, you don’t feel the pressure of having to maintain long, deep conversations with each other (unless you are comfortable doing so).
Leave Notes
It may be worth leaving a note in the kitchen if you need to communicate to your flatmates in a non verbal way. The note may simply say ‘Help yourself to the cucumber on the top shelf – gone away for the weekend’ which is not only a lovely gesture but helps form a connection in which everyone is looking out for each other. Your flat will feel much more homely if you all support each other, warming up a somewhat cold environment.
Do Your Weekly Shop Together
Everyone needs to do their weekly shop at some point. Why not ask one of your flatmates if they would like to go with you? This way you can build up a conversation to and from the supermarket and get done what you need to at the same time. It takes no extra time out of your day (you’d be doing your shop with or without company anyway). So why not use this time to form a friendship?
Speak To Your Student Mentors
If not getting on with or being unable to communicate with your flatmates is bothering you, and you just seem to be getting nowhere no matter how hard you try, it may be time for someone else to intervene. Sometimes all you need is to get everyone in the same room and participate in a couple of ice-breaker tasks. But this can be hard to arrange by yourself. Student mentors at your Uni usually have an assigned hall of accommodation in which they can help students with flatmate troubles. It really is worth getting in touch with them, as they are always welcoming and happy to help!
No matter your flatmate circumstances, just remember that there are other ways to make friends and that there are thousands of students at your university who probably have much more in common with you.
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