Sunday. What a day. I can’t say I’ve been to church this week.
Arguably the best – and worst – day of the week, Sunday’s were designed for hungover trips to your local supermarket in order to indulge on fizzy drinks and overpriced snacks.
As a patron of the hungover Sunday shop, I feel that glamour isn’t often factored in when people decide to leave the house. This seems obscene. Why are we reducing ourselves down to battered sliders and grimy hoodies?
Something needs to change and I feel ready to impart my knowledge on how to make the hungover Sunday shop as glamorous as possible. Let’s end the weekend the right way!
Supermarket lighting is notoriously lurid. A building where strips of neon tubing light up formulated rows of cereals and jars? This absolutely warrants wearing sunglasses indoors.
The bigger the better, think ‘Karen at the school fete in 2006’. Diamontes on the side for extra points. Blackout? Obviously. If you’re feeling quirky, maybe purchase sunglasses you can’t see out of at all and see what you end up buying.
Wear. Something. Fluffy.
Fluffy handbag? Absolutely. Fluffy collar on your jacket? Yes, that’ll do. The most glamorous hungover Sunday shoppers blur the lines between human and dog.
Wearing real fur will cause people to view you as morally corrupted, although this could work in your favour and overshadow whatever sins you committed the night before.
A poncho made of Himalayan possum fur… in Tesco? Super glam.
No, I’m not going to suggest you wear heels to the supermarket. The irritating clicking and clacking on the cold tiles could only be compared to noise torture.
Invest in a pair of unusual crocs and level them up with jibbitz. Unique and perhaps unexpected, crocs coupled with fluff and sunglasses serve as the ultimate hungover Sunday shop combination.
Remember to utilise the ‘sports mode’ function of your crocs, particularly if you bump into anyone who saw you the night before. If you start feeling nauseous, the holes should increase ventilation and ward off any supermarket vomit incidents.
Having spent the last five years undertaking comprehensive research on hangovers, hats are generally considered an elixir when trying to survive.
Taking this into account, buying an unusual hat will only benefit you when doing your hungover Sunday shop. Feathers, bobbles and beads are all elements to consider when making the purchase. Ear muffs also do a good job. However according to my 2018 study ‘Hat’s and Hangover’s’, too much bulk around the ears increases the severity of a hangover by 24%. You’ve been warned.
I can only hope that, with this guide, all supermarkets across the UK get transformed into a scene out of Ab Fab at the end of the week. A world where croc sales skyrocket and wearing sunglasses indoors becomes socially acceptable. Let’s create a Sunday where glamour dominates the supermarket scene.
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