There may be a time in your life when somebody hurts you, and they never apologise for it. Where does this leave you? It can feel like you may never be able to move on from what they did or even from the person altogether. This is difficult to navigate, as hoping for an apology that you know is never going to come can be emotionally and mentally exhausting.
It is understandable to wonder how you will ever be able to move past these feelings of hurt and anger when you have never received an apology. This article provides some suggestions that you may be able to use to begin to move on without an apology. It won’t ever be the closure of the apology that you deserve. However, coming to terms with what has happened to you will mean you can eventually start to move away and grow from the hurt.
It is ok not to be ok
Your feelings are real, and your feelings are valid. Remember, it is ok to feel upset and angry about someone hurting you, especially when you don’t receive an apology afterwards. Whatever emotions you may be feeling, let yourself feel them for however long you need. That is more than ok.
Treat yourself with kindness and patience
An essential part of healing and moving on from pain is to treat yourself with love and kindness. Moving on from something that hurt you takes time. Having patience will help you through this process in a healthier way than rushing yourself through it or repressing your feelings would. So, let yourself have the space to process the situation and the emotions you’re feeling throughout it, also making sure you don’t judge yourself for reacting the way that you do.
Write a letter
You may find that writing a letter may help you organise your thoughts and gain clarity on the emotions you’re feeling. This letter could be addressed to the person that you would like an apology from, explaining how what they did has affected you. I would suggest finishing the letter off with a ‘goodbye’. This may help you to gain a little bit of closure from the situation.
Alternatively, you could write a letter to your future self, telling you how you are feeling in the moment so your future self can see the difference in your feelings.
Overall, writing down your feelings will help you get things off your chest, especially if you have been concealing your emotions. Even if you end up just aggressively scribbling on a piece of paper, that is still a valuable method of letting out your feelings.
You may also find ripping or cutting it up therapeutic too. This would help you to move on from the emotions you wrote down without dwelling on them by rereading your letter over and over again.
Talk it out
If writing or scribbling isn’t helping all that much, talking about your feelings may be the better option for you. Try talking to some close friends or family members about what has happened and how it makes you feel. If you think these are not reasonable options for you, you can text SHOUT to 85258 or call the Samaritans on 116 123 to talk about your feelings with a trained volunteer who will listen to you and support you through your difficult emotions.
Trust and embrace your strength
You are stronger than you think. While the hurt you’re feeling is painful and difficult right now, you will be able to get some form of closure for yourself. This hurt and anger will not last forever, and it will make you a stronger person as you learn and grow.
The takeaway message
Trying to move on from something that had caused you upset when you never received an apology is tricky. You may never get that apology you deserve, but the hurt it has caused you will get easier to manage with time, patience and self-kindness. Writing or talking about the situation will help you vent your feelings instead of holding them all in. And remember, you are strong, and you are resilient. You will get through this.