Dealing with feelings of loneliness at university can be difficult, but you’re not alone if you have. Research suggests that one in four uni students feel lonely most or all the time while at uni.
I’m sure anybody who went to uni during lockdown can relate; with everything being online and societies not running, it wasn’t easy to make friends! Often, there is an expectation that university will be a busy and eventful period in your life, but that isn’t always the case. Feeling lonely at uni is common among students of all ages and years.
Understanding what loneliness actually is
There are a few common misconceptions regarding the definition of loneliness. The first assumes that you can’t be lonely if you have many friends and are always with or talking to others. This isn’t true at all. Loneliness comes from within, meaning you can literally be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.
The second misconception is that ‘lonely’ and ‘alone’ mean the same thing. In the same way, you can be surrounded by lots of people and still feel lonely, you could be physically alone but not at all.
The key difference between loneliness and being alone is that loneliness is a feeling, whereas being alone is just a temporary physical state. Additionally, you can often choose when you want to be alone and when you don’t. You can’t choose to feel lonely, as it is an emotional response to our environments.
When does loneliness strike?
You can feel loneliness at any time in your life. Some factors seem to contribute to loneliness, including moving to a new location. This means that university students who move away from home to attend their uni may be at risk of developing feelings of loneliness, so it is evidently vital to make sure uni students get the correct help in meeting people at their uni.
Feelings of loneliness can also be brought out by low self-esteem, and mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety may also trigger feelings of loneliness.
I have found that feelings of loneliness increase when I have worse anxiety days. It isn’t just a case of talking to someone and the feelings going away, which is one of the most difficult parts. Sometimes, it’s about knowing that nobody else I’m around is feeling anxious in the way I am. It’s a tricky thing to try and navigate. On the other hand, there have been times when I’ve gone days or even weeks without seeing or talking to anyone at uni.
What do you do when you feel lonely?
It can be hard to deal with feelings of loneliness when you’re on your own for the first time. If you feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to at uni, this can worsen it. Here are some ways to help ease feelings of loneliness.
Reach out to your neighbours
If you’re living in uni halls, you will most likely be in a flat with other people. Whether you’re sharing kitchen and/or bathroom facilities or living in your studio flat, you will still be surrounded by other people and still have access to some common room. If you’re comfortable doing so, try and use these spaces to meet some of your neighbours. You could try organising a game or movie night to get to know your neighbours better.
On the other hand, if you live in a house, you might have neighbours that aren’t students. However, you can still reach out to them. I recommend putting a note through their doors and leaving your contact details on it. My flatmate and I got responses from all four of the neighbours we left notes for!
Join a society at your uni
Societies are a great way to meet like-minded people at uni. You can join more than one society, so there’s nothing to stop you from testing out different ones to meet a whole range of people. Many societies also hold weekly social events too. Attending these would be a good way to spend more time with the people you meet at society meets.
Call someone from back home
Sometimes loneliness can be brought off from being homesick. Missing home is completely normal for anyone living away from home, so calling someone from home might help ease these feelings. You could call a family member, friend, or anyone who reminds you of home.
Reach out to someone if it doesn’t pass
If you have someone you trust with your feelings, you could tell them about the feelings of loneliness you’ve been experiencing. They may be able to check in with you more often and could offer you some support.
Alternatively, your uni may have a well-being service available for you to reach out and talk about your feelings. You can also text SHOUT to 85258 or call the Samaritans on 116 123 to vent.
The takeaway message
Experiencing feelings of loneliness at uni can be tough. It can feel like we don’t have anyone to reach out to and nobody cares about us. It’s important to note that feelings of loneliness are common amongst university students. The main way to deal with feelings of loneliness is to interact socially with others. Humans are social beings, so going without meaningful interaction can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation inside us. Remember, you are never truly alone, and there’s always someone you can talk to if feelings of loneliness are too much for you to cope with.