Every year in July, the Samaritans raise awareness of the good that their services do through their Talk To Us Campaign. Their aim is to spread the word about what listening services they can offer in the lead-up to 24 July, which is Samaritans Awareness Day. A big part of what the Samaritans do is listen to those who need someone to talk to. Listening is an incredibly useful skill for anyone to have, not just Samaritans and other hotline volunteers. This article will tell you how you can be a better listener, so you too can be there for your loved ones in need.
What do the Samaritans actually do?
Samaritans is a charity that provides listening and emotional support services across the UK and Ireland, founded in 1952. They are a free service available 24/7 that can be reached by calling 116 123, or emailing [email protected]. Wait times can vary to receive a response, but, generally, they aim to get back to each individual as soon as possible. They can help people in immediate crisis, or they can just offer a listening ear to anyone who needs to get something off their chest.
Why listening skills are so important
A necessity of a Samaritan or similar volunteer role is being able to listen to those in need with empathy and support. However, listening skills do not stop at crisis volunteers. They are useful to everyone, as we may have all had someone reach out to us for help before, and may do in the future too. Showing someone that reaches out to you that you want to listen to them might make them begin to think that they are cared for and that there are people who want them to be ok. So, how can ordinary people be better listeners to our friends and family?
How to be a better listener
Put all of your focus on them
The first way to be a better listener is to focus solely on them. This means that listening to the person talking should be the only thing you’re doing at the time. Put aside all other activities and give them your full attention. This will show the other person that you do actually want to listen to them, and that you have made time specifically to do so. It is a small thing to do, but it will help them to feel so much more heard and seen. They will appreciate this more than you think.
Listen rather than talk
When someone comes to you to talk about something they’re dealing with, you should try to make it your goal to listen rather than talk. If they specifically ask for your opinion or for advice, then it is ok to talk, but interrupting them and telling them what you think and feel without them asking for that will make them think you aren’t interested in listening to what they have to say or how they feel.
All about active listening
Active listening means being present in the conversation by trying to understand what the person is saying rather than just listening. Active listening can be verbal, such as summarising what they’ve said and asking if you’ve understood them correctly by repeating what they said. Non-verbal active listening can include maintaining comfortable eye contact and refraining from fidgeting while you listen to them.
Remember, they’ve come to you because they trust you
Even if you don’t know exactly what to say or how to help, the thing to remember is that this person has come to you because they trust you. They trust you with what they have told you and they trust you to be there for them. So, reassure them that you won’t share anything with anyone else unless you’re worried about their safety, and thank them for trusting you with what they’re telling you.
When people struggling to cope reach out, they don’t necessarily want quick-fix solutions or advice, they just want to be heard. Your role, as a friend, is to provide them with a safe space to open up. The best way to provide them with a safe space is to approach the conversation with an open mind, empathy, and non-judgement.
Finally, signpost
Signposting means offering additional resources for long-term and professional support. This will mean the individual has means of support after your conversation with them has come to its end. This is where services like the Samaritans can be useful. Other means of free support include texting SHOUT to 85258 or suggesting they contact their GP to discuss options for talking therapy and/or medication if necessary.
The takeaway message
When someone you know comes to you to tell you about their struggles, showing them that you want to listen can make them feel safe and relieved. People struggling to cope mostly just want to feel heard and seen. They know by talking about it that their problems aren’t just going to disappear, but it means they aren’t holding all of the weight on only themselves. So, to be a better listener, be empathetic, non-judgmental, and attentive. And remember, you don’t have to be a superhero to be able to help someone. Sometimes, just listening is enough!