Leaving home, being away from everything you have known and grown up with, can be the most daunting experience that a young adult faces. With the excitement of new beginnings also comes the fear of change. One thing I noticed about coming to university is that, as much as life is changing for you, your family and friends’ lives back home may continue as normal.
Unfortunately, just because you are entering a new stage, time doesn’t stop or wait for you to settle. This means that, even in university when you could be overwhelmed with the change of scene, everyday life and workload, grief from the loss of someone close to you can still come crashing in.
Learning to grieve
I experienced this in my second year at uni, after the sudden death of a family member due to addiction issues. I had to learn how to grieve without the support of my family. There are coping mechanisms you can adopt to not feel so far away from home. I was lucky to have a good support system of friends during a hard and challenging experience.
Relying and leaning on your friends and housemates when you feel emotional can be vital. Even just sitting in a social setting to try to distract yourself should not be a discredited coping mechanism. The all-encompassing feeling of grief can be challenging, so having social distractions can be needed and should be used for this.
Universities have good systems in place to ensure there are people and helplines specifically for students, for them to talk through certain issues when you have lost someone. These can be helpful if you haven’t quite found your social scene at university…or if you find it easier to talk to someone you don’t know.
You are not alone
Support lines are available online if you require help from outside your university’s parameters. As much as it is said in the news, on TV, and on talk shows, talking to someone (even though painful) can make you understand this strong emotion taking over your life. Everyone will experience grief at some point. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a pet, we are touched by this emotion eventually. You are not alone in the experience, even if it feels like you are.
Additionally, throwing yourself into an activity, as hard as it may be, can provide an outlet for the events taking place in your life. For me, I decided to bake something the day I was told the news. As a novice in the kitchen, this out-of-routine activity allowed me to be with my thoughts, while also creating something as a distraction. Moreover, sports or joining a gym can provide stress relief, as well as keeping a healthy mindset and body.
Overall, it’s important to note that there is no right or wrong way to grieve; especially if you are unable to be around your family. Knowing you are not alone, and having the option to talk through your feelings, can provide relief and a sense of security.
Help is out there
Even just knowing someone will listen to you at the other end of a helpline can provide comfort for people. Marie Curie is a helpline that can be contacted for bereavement from a terminal illness, Cruse can be used for all types of bereavement, and Sudden is for those reeling from the unexpected death of a loved one.
Grief is an emotion that rises and falls. But using resources that are available to you can be the most helpful coping mechanism for students.
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